Nor did I know that “heartbeat bills” were on the rise in many states, and if enacted, that they would ban abortion with the detection of a “heartbeat,” the faux kind, even in the extreme conditions of rape, incest, pregnancy endangering a mother’s life, and fetal abnormality. Alabama governor Kay Ivey signed one of the nation’s strictest abortion laws. The law criminalizes abortion after a detectable “heartbeat”; doctors who carry out such a procedure could be jailed for up to ninety-nine years.
“I want an abortion,” I told the doctor flat, matter-of-fact, heartbeat-like star notwithstanding. I shifted my weight. The paper over the exam table crackled like a candy wrapper. The doctor looked at the floor. He was sorry, he said, he couldn’t help. That’s just the way it was. Was he looking at me with pity? I’ve not been able to forget the look on his face. He tilted his head to the side and half smiled, which I mistook as an apology. My pants and undergarments lay rumpled on a chair in a far corner of the room. The young doctor stood up from his little wheelie stool, wished me well, asked me to dress, and then closed the door. I stared at the door, bargaining. Someone would return to that sterile room and take a second look at me. Another doctor would sort this through. I remained on the table until a nurse knocked. A new patient needed the space.
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